3.4

We Care...
by identifying potential abusers

How do sexual abusers "groom" their victims?

The predator must also persuade other adults of his/her trustworthiness with children. This process is known as "grooming."

Some predators use specific techniques to ensure that they will not be identified. A child sexual predator knows that in order to sexually abuse a child without fear of discovery, he/she must be able to condition the child not to tell another adult. The chart below outlines some grooming behaviors and characteristics of sexual abusers that will help you in identifying cases of abuse.

Grooming behavior table
Grooming Behaviors Characteristics of Sexual Abusers
  • Breakdown inhibitions and defenses through "accidental" touch
  • Use manipulation and secrecy to distance the child from parents through buying child presents and allowing child to do things parents don't usually allow (e.g., eat candy)
  • Use threats and guilt (i.e., "if you tell your mother, she will hate you!", "If you tell anyone, I will hurt someone in your family!")
  • Exhibits an unusual interest in a particular child –- especially, but not limited to, female children
  • Provides more favors, attention, or privileges to one child over others
  • Buys children expensive gifts or gives them money for no apparent reason
  • Insists that when his/her child has a sleepover, that it always be at his/her home
  • Repeatedly offers to "babysit" the children while the mother or parents go outside the home to relax or do separate activities
  • Insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child even when the child does not want this affection

Non-touching, exploitative behaviors are often more difficult to recognize, even though they must be reported.
During a television talk show, an abuser described how he groomed a victim:

"How I initiated my grooming process is, I would listen to her, and then I would listen to her with my hand on her shoulder," David says. "Then we would cuddle on the couch together, and then [I was] priming her for me to be physically intimate with her."

-- The Grooming Process, Oprah Show, 2/8/2010

Key Point: The abuser is typically someone the child knows and someone who makes him/herself part of the child's (and often family's) lives.

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