3.5
We Care...
by understanding why children don't tell
Many people believe that if a child is being hurt, he/she would tell someone. The fact is, however, that many children suffering from abuse often do not tell anyone about the abuse.
"...it is critical that we as adults recognize our responsibility to lift that burden from children and break the silence by reporting abuse."
-- Janet Rozenzweig
Watch the video below to learn more about why children don’t tell anyone about the abuse they are suffering.
Dr. Janet Rosenzweig is a national consultant for Prevent Child Abuse America, and a lecturer at the University of Pennsylvania.
Some people may wonder if child abuse is such a traumatic experience, why don’t victims just tell? There are many reasons, particularly if the abuse is happening at home, or if the abuse is sexual. Even adults rarely discuss such deeply personal issues, so how can we expect children to?
Depending on who is committing the abuse, the child may be in a deep and dependent relationship with that person and the abuse is only one aspect of a complex attachment. This is particularly difficult if the abuse is happening at home, because a child’s attachment to their family is remarkably strong. Whatever is going on behind closed doors, these gown-ups are often the child’s lifeline and the child can’t see how they’d survive without them.
We also know that many children keep silent because they are afraid of what might happen if they do tell. They may have been told, “if you say anything I’ll go to jail,” or they may be fearful of being taken away or worry who will watch out for their younger sister or brother. It's also entirely possible that the abuser has threatened to harm the child or someone they love if they tell anyone about the abuse.
When the abuse is sexual, children are even more confused about the abusive behaviors. Sexual abusers often take great care to make the victim feel special as part of a process known as "grooming." A victim may receive extra gifts or privileges in return for silence, or may be convinced that going along with the abuse protects their younger siblings. These actions lead to a greater likelihood of the child keeping the secret, and abuse thrives in secrecy.
Some victims may also be conflicted by their body’s physiologic response to the abuser’s specific kinds of touch to their genitalia, which can be experienced as something they equate with physical pleasure. Many victims feel deep shame about this involuntary physical response; in fact, many abusers use this response to convince the victim they were a willing participant! Young victims don’t know that this response is a reflex – like a tap on the knee – so their guilt shames them into silence.
Any or all of these reasons may cause a child to keep silent, therefore it’s critical that we as adults recognize our responsibility to lift the burden from the children and break the silence by reporting abuse.
HideThere are many reasons why children do not disclose abuse
- Feelings of shame
- Low self-esteem
- Loss of trust
- Unaware that acts are inappropriate
- Fear of breaking up the family
- Isolation
- Threats
- Confusion
- Fear of not being believed
- Children are taught to trust and obey adults
Reporting abuse gives victims a voice. Don’t turn a blind eye. Break the silence.
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